From Joyceeeee

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

Sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free

Tonight is the first night of GORGE. And we are missing it once again. And we had fantastic seats - 4th & 6th row. Sold them to Nate who was more than gracious about taking them off our hands.

I miss everyone that is there. I wish I could be there with them all. I'm over the moon that we were able to do Creek though - god, how I love that place.

But there's Feathers & The Park & the Venue to contend with at GORGE. Yes, it's always capital letters. GORGE.

And Amanda is there. And I think I need some quiet giggle time with her to set me right sometimes.

I'm sad but am trying not to dwelling cause dwelling doesn't solve shit. It doesn't even salve anything. Hoping this might get it out of my system though.

Two Reasons I'm not talking to Monkey

1. He has learned how to open the screen door with his claws.
2. He walked on the outside of the railings on the veranda this evening & I nearly threw up. Matias grabbed him and brought him back over but then ended the incident by saying "he wanted to jump off"

Someone's not going out front for a while, methinks.

Ever wonder why we call him Monkey?

WhatEVER

I got pissy with Matias the other when he made the following comment/observation:

"You used to read National Geographic now you read Martha Stewart & Parenting magazines. What happened to you?"

Yeah, thank you too, buddy.

Deer Creek!!

Bri made this sign when he worked with the DOT!
I heart this place so much. Thankfully, it will NOT be our last time there - it got taken off the market the day before the shows on Friday! I 1/2 expected the band to walk out & say "see y'all next year WE BOUGHT THE PLACE". Cause I'm a freak like that, what can I say?

The Ugly Cry

I stumbled upon a blog last night through a series of click throughs during my bored pre-bedtime hour & came upon a woman who had given birth 3 month prematurely to boys - one named Ben & one named Liam.

Due to the severity of Liam's brain damage, he passed on. Upon reading that first line, I cried. When I read his name was Liam my heart broke a little, as I sure it does when we stumble upon stories with children who share our own baby's name. I sobbed & sobbed reading their story.

Then she called him lili.

And I couldn't handle it anymore. The ugly cry came & I wept for this teeny, tiny little lili who fought so hard against all odds to stay with his family.

I had never heard anyone else call their Liam "lili" before outside of Matias' family. And yes, I do not like that nickname at all. I've never told Matias because it really is quite petty & not very much worth a conversation. When I read her calling her hurting baby Liam that term of endearment my heart just shattered.

And selfishly, I felt guilty for ever hating that nickname. I felt "survivor's guilt" for still having our healthy, happy, growing lili. It's just a nickname. I knew that all along but I still cringed when hearing it. Now, I cannot get it out of my mind - this other lili.

I read almost every post she had written about her twins - Liam lived for almost two months in the NICU - through surgeries & skin-to-skin therapy, through bottles of pumped breastmilk, through sneezes that amazed the doctors since his brain damage was so severe he shouldn't have been able to make the connections/synapses to put together a sneeze. I watched the videos they had posted of the twins, lying face-to-face in their "nests", touching each other's hands & faces, I watched Liam gurgle & coo defying all odds that he even had the ability to do that.

And I grieved for this woman who would never hold her lili again.

And I felt awful small for every giving a fucking damn about a fucking term of endearment.

Then I went and kissed my Liam while he slept & told him I would see him in the morning.

Some of us are not that lucky.

Lordy.

Matias is outside watering the grass with Liam & the fat kid down the street is also outside playing with Matias.

We call him Master P and when he yells at us for calling him that we call him Wu-Tang. It's the same kid that's in the first videos from taking Liam swimming...

I think Matias is running some sort of racket where he's got the kid actually working on helping him water the grass but the poor Master P thinks it's a game...

This is why I make lists.

I had three of my own loads of laundry to do before we leave tomorrow & I had to wear a skirt today since I had no clean pants, right?

Finished one load, threw the other load in the dryer, put the new load in the washer and walked away.

Ran some work errands & came home to switch the loads again, for the last time & be packed before dinner. Sounds good, right?

I didn't start the dryer. So now, I cannot pack until after dinner & after Liam's asleep for the night & basically right around the time I feel like doing a whole load of nothing.